Three months.

It has been a little over three months since my RNY GB and I am down seventy pounds.
It has been a busy few months. I have been in lots of different places.
First, geographically. We went to Texas in June for a Martin family reunion. It was so great to see everyone. We also spent a week in Oklahoma at the in-laws. We worked hard but had a great time with Carolyn, Richard's mom. We got to see the Schemmers, Evelyn and Paul, Carolyn's aunt and uncle. I really love them. they are so sweet and faithful. They really are one of my favorite families to visit with. I loved seeing and spending so much time with all my family.
We ended up going back to Texas in July, as my sweet Grampy had passed away. I really miss him. He is home now, with my Grammy. So I am happy for him. He went peacefully, in his sleep, in his chair. I am grateful to my aunt Cheli for providing my grandparents with a good home to spend their last days in. It is not an easy thing, I think, to open your home for your aging parents. But I am sure she loved having them, even though it was not always easy.
In July, we went to Oklahoma for a day to spend some time with my mom. We only spent the time before and after the funeral, but it was good to be back in Norman. I missed my high school reunion, and the five k fun run for my gym, but it was worth it. I really had a great time with my family.
We spent a day and night in Eureka Springs Arkansas with Richard's sister Mary. It was great to see her and Nancy and spend some time in their favorite place. It was a great town, and Richard and I are looking forward to spending some time there as a couple in one of their many Bed and Breakfasts.
Emotionally, I have also been all over the map. Nothing too extreme, just a lot of ups and downs. It isn't anything worth going into a lot of analyzing, just been nostalgic and sad, and nostalgic and happy, and stressed, and calm. all at the same time. I am grateful to my family for their support during the last few months. So many changes.
Physically it has been a a roller coaster. My weight is plummeting, and my strength is climbing, and my wardrobe is shrinking, and my steering wheel has never been so far away. My shoes are all too big, and my underwear, and my dresses.The only constant has been my family.
I am taking up quilting, I think. Well, I have a quilt pattern and I am starting to cut out pieces to sew. I haven't sewn any yet. We will see.
I think I have blabbered on long enough.
Have a great week.

Two months post op

These are the before pictures, taken last Thursday at the gym. I will post more pictures every few weeks.

If you cut me...

So I have my surgery date for my gastric bypass. April 11th. I am as ready as I can get, I think. I have my vitamins and my protein and my appointments and new jammies and people coming to help out and take time off of work to help me. I have a few things left to do, which is to make a few freezer meals just in case I am in the hospital more than one night. Other than that, I expect to be up and around a lot. Maybe not at first, but I need to stay active. I quit my job at the mall, put in my notice at the babysitting gig so they can find a replacement. I will be going back to the babysitting, I think, unless they decide to stick with the replacement. Routine is important, so I won't be offended if they decide to stick with one. :)
I need to prepare my lesson for Easter Sunday. I wish my surgery was before the next time I teach, but they only do surgery on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Oh well. Can't win them all I guess. At least I can't.
I am excited about my surgery. I am finding, however, that I have a guarded hope. I wish I could just let go and be totally thrilled and all the way hopeful. The way I was when I was sure I was going to lose weight exercising and watching what I eat. I was planning things, looking forward to milestones, etc. But it didn't happen. And part of me is afraid that nothing will happen this time either. I know that doesn't make any sense. But I was SO SURE I was going to be able to do it. It is kind of disappointing to me that I let so many people down by not losing weight. I KNEW it was going to happen. And then it didn't. And it didn't. No matter what I changed or ate. I did gain some powerful insight into myself. And I learned that I really like exercise. Which I think are two big wins. And I am so much stronger mentally and physically. I am grateful for the things I have gained. But there is a part of me that is pouty and scared. I REALLY tried to do it on my own.
Anyway. I am making tons of sugar free jello. I am ordering chicken soup flavored protein off the internet. I am adding protein to the jello. Eventually I will be adding it to popsicles I make, too. I am not really that fond of protein powder. I have chocolate protein shakes. I have chew-able vitamins and calcium with D. I have sublingual b12, just in case my insurance doesn't want to pay for shots. I have switched my fluoxetine to tablets from capsules because I will no longer be able to digest capsules. I have biotin, just in case my hair starts to fall out. I have shakers and scoops and bottles and measuring cups and spoons and journal-ing stuff and all kinds of other things. I have been getting ready, ya'll. I mean for this to work. I am praying and hoping.
Now all I need is to get the man home from Europe and India. Next Thursday.
My mom is definitely coming out to help. She will be here for ten days. My aunt Cheli may be coming out to help too. I hope she does.
I am grateful for all the support I have gotten. In fact, I am happy to say that I have only gotten support. I have the best friends and family.

From Sacrament this morning

Savior, may I learn to love thee,

Walk the path that thou has shown,

Pause to help and lift another,

Finding strength beyond my own. 

Savior, may I learn to love thee-

Lord I would follow thee.

Who am I to judge another

When I walk imperfectly?

In the quiet heart is hidden

Sorrow that the eye can't see.

Who am I to judge another-

Lord, I would follow thee.

I would be my brother's keeper;

I would learn the healer's art.

To the wounded and the weary

I would show a gentle heart.

I would be my brother's keeper-

Lord, I would follow thee.

Savior, may I love my brother

As I know thou lovest me,

Find in thee my strength, my beacon,

For thy servant I would be.

Savior, may I love my brother-

Lord, I would follow thee.

Text: Susan Evans McCloud, b.1945

Music: K. Newell Dayley, b. 1939

John 13:34-35

1 John 3:16-19; 1 John 4:21

Recommendations?

I am feeling rather uninspired lately. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I am feeling a restlessness and a disquiet. There are amazing things going on in my life, and I am excited about them.
But there is an unease. Perhaps it is the BP, but whatever it might be, it is bringing me down.
In an effort to focus on the great things that are happening, and perhaps reduce the anxiety I am feeling, I am going to talk about some of the things happening.
First, is a lot of waiting. I am in the process of getting the bariatric surgery. The support has been fantastic. Makes me wonder if people have been thinking I needed it all along. Which they probably have. Which doesn't really surprise or bother me. My mom and Aunt Cheli are going to try to come out and help me when I have it done. Cheli has had the surgery, recently, and has done an amazing job. She says it is the hardest thing she has ever done, and the fact that she feels that way and is so supportive of me doing it makes me very happy.
The second is that I got a new calling in church. This is good news and bad news. Well, maybe not BAD news, but it definitely contributes to the uneasy feeling. I am now a Relief Society teacher. Sigh. It could be worse.
I don't know how. I have so much insecurity and anxiety wrapped up in RS and teaching in general. Add them both together and I am paralyzed with fear. I will get over it. there is a story about President Hinckley writing to his father about his fears on a mission and his father replying "Forget yourself and go to work." This is the new mantra for me, I think. Forget yourself and go to work.
I got a temple recommend for the first time in a little over a decade. This feels really good, but also causes me anxiety. I have not been in a long time. LONG time. I hope I can feel like I belong there again. I am nervous. But happy.
So there it is. I am nervous but happy. And trying to forget myself and go to work.

Big decisions

This seems to be a month for big decisions. I have another one to let you in on. I have withdrawn from my classes for this semester.
I know it seems a little extreme, but given the last four months and how I did last semester, I just feel like it is best to wait until I am more stable before I go investing all that time and energy and money into something that I am currently dreading and that causes me more anxiety than enjoyment. I have not decided to quit school, just to wait and see how this semester plays out mentally before I go jumping in again. I have discussed it with Richard, extensively, and he and I agree that this is the best choice for now.
I am open for new opportunities, whatever they are. I am confident that this is the right thing. For now.
So there is that.
Well, I should qualify the statement about new opportunities. I am open to them as long as they don't involve me being an independent consultant for anyone. LOL.