Update...

Okay, so the last post was not that cheerful. I realize for some of you that is so not cool. Okay, so this one is going to be better.
I re-upped with my personal trainer for another year. I went to my psychiatrist and got another anti-psychotic for my bipolar, one that is weight neutral. I stopped taking all the diuretics.
I am feeling so much better about everything. I realize sometimes when I get things off my chest it sort of solves the problem, and then I feel a little embarrassed that I let everything go like that.
So I am beginning all over. I am going to pretend that I am just beginning, and here I am just deciding to lose weight, just deciding that this is a journey I want to go on. For the last few weeks I felt that I needed a break, that I wanted to just put everything on hold for awhile. Things got pretty intense in my head. And with my weight. I made it back up to 308. The funny thing is, I don't have any clothes that fit that size anymore. I was so determined not to go back there that I gave away prolly three or four hundred dollars worth of clothes. An entire wardrobe. Nothing I own is over a size 24. Now I am stuck in my workout clothes, for the most part, because they are the only things that fit. Heh.
I am back down to 295, for a minute.  It still fluctuates wildly. I go see my endocrinologist on Tuesday. Hopefully we will find a reason for the weight. Hopefully it will be some version of the anti-psychotic drug mixing with the hormone changes (or whatever) to make the drug make me put on almost forty pounds in two months. Or something else that I am easily able to fix. In any case, I am ok. I am going to do a bod pod session on the 17th, where I sit in this little chamber (pod) and it measures my resting metabolic rate, my exact body fat percentage, and a couple of other things that will give my trainer something to work with as far as how many calories I need everyday, and what sorts of foods to avoid and to encourage. My trainer is amazing y'all. He works so hard to help me. My sessions are brutal, to the point that I am in tears. But he somehow makes me feel like I am succeeding anyway. He is helping me in so many ways. I cannot recommend enough that you go see him. If you need a free pass to the gym to get you started, I have several. Let me know, ok? I am serious, you guys. This is life changing stuff. Even if you just join the gym, you get a free session with a trainer. Ask for John VanVelkinburgh. I will give you his number, if you want it. Even if you think you can't afford it, check it out. The staff at Club Fitness and the DFM trainers are all amazing and willing to work with you however they can. Nick Wibbenmeyer is the DFM manager. He is awesome as well. They are all of them very compassionate and interested in helping you do what YOU can to help yourself.
So the break thing isn't going to happen. I am instead going to double my efforts at the gym, going at least four times a week, preferably five. I am going to be keeping a meticulous food journal. SO yeah. This is it again. I am pumped and ready to go. I hope I am never back here again. I hope we can find the reason I got back here again and fix it so it NEVER happens again. But even if I go through this again, over and over, this is my life now. I will never go back to just laying on the couch all day. I will never go back to binge-ing on food again. Not happening. Never. I WILL be healthy (and cute) again. Even if I am gray and bald. Heh.
I think this is long enough. Thanks for listening.