What life is

I am going to pretend that I just started working out. I have really been working out for almost two years. But I am not losing enough weight. I am strong like bull. (heehee) So now that I am sort of getting the hang of my food thing, I was thinking about sort of starting over. Taking my weight that I am now as kind of a new beginning and seeing how far I can go with it. Not to discount all the things and work I have done. It has been great. But I am beginning to feel overwhelmed and discouraged. The pounds, they are not coming off, people. I know it is because of food. I am horrible at eating right, and we have already discussed my hatred of all things tracking. that is one of the reasons I quit weight watchers. Anyway, I am going off on a tangent.
So this is my new start. Too bad I am going away from the gym for three weeks. I can think of it, instead of as a bad thing, as a challenge to really get my food under control. I am afraid of leaving the gym, and my trainer. Big time. I am afraid of gaining back even more weight than I already have. (Ten pounds, in the last few weeks.)  We have discussed and are discussing the idea of leaving my trainer for a few months during school and starting again in January with the training sessions. I know I can't do the personal trainer thing the rest of my life, but I am really not ready to do this by myself. I want to get my food under control, and lose about 75 more pounds before I try and finish on my own. OK, so maybe 75 pounds isn't reasonable. How about 60? How about down to 200? That is more than 75 pounds, friends. I don't know when I will be ready to tackle it without professional help, but I know I am not ready now. I want to get started losing again. I want to lose slowly and consistently. I want to eat right for real, and not just talk about it. I know how to do it. I just need to get there. And I think I might be there. I am ready to try the food thing, with the tracking and all. Even when it is ugly. What, is he gonna ground me?
I have learned that I can take whatever people throw at me, and use it to get stronger. I am learning to take my faults and problems and turn them into talents and strengths.
One reason I want to be a nutrition sciences major is to learn about the body. I want to help people. I want to know what food does to my body (besides make me fat) and help people to figure it out for themselves. I know that everyone has their own time table, and their own agenda, and that I won't be able to help everyone, but I can always help myself.